What will happen at our first meeting:
People often approach their first appointment with me with some apprehension. This is particularly true if they have never tried counselling or therapy before. Here I would like to demystify what usually happens at our first meeting, although it will understandably depend on whether you decide to come alone, or bring members of your family with you.
If we meet for an initial discussion to explore whether counselling is the right method of help for you, I’ll be interested to know a bit about you. For example, I will likely ask you questions about how the issues that you’re concerned about impact on you and I'll want to explore a bit about you as a person, couple and/or family. I’ll also be curious to know your story more generally and how you have happened to get to the place where you are at today.
If we meet for an initial discussion to explore whether counselling is the right method of help for you, I’ll be interested to know a bit about you. For example, I will likely ask you questions about how the issues that you’re concerned about impact on you and I'll want to explore a bit about you as a person, couple and/or family. I’ll also be curious to know your story more generally and how you have happened to get to the place where you are at today.
More specifically I will do the following:
- Create a place of safety and comfort for you so that you can put your thoughts and feelings into words in your own way and time.
- Be respectful and attentive so that you will feel that I have listened with care.
- Ask some questions that will hopefully stimulate you to express yourself more fully and perhaps to see some new perspectives.
- Develop our sharing into any areas that I think might be useful.
- Offer you some thoughts about how your concerns might be connected.
While I will be warm, I will not be social, directive or be anything other than objective and neutral. Also it is not part of my training to prescribe medication.
The initial assessment is for us to decide whether or not we might work together in helping you with your difficulties. If we do decide to work together, we will make a provisional plan for this. If we decide that something else would be more suitable, I’ll try hard to point you in the direction of other appropriate sources of help.
If you are still unsure, you are very welcome to call me 01227 271172 or email me at any time and I will get back to you as soon as I can.
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Frequently Asked QuestionsClick on each question to read a full response
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Is counselling confidential?
Yes, except that if you were to mention the possibility of harming yourself or another person I would have to mention this to an appropriate authority. I may at certain times also talk about you with my supervisor.
How long are counselling sessions?
They are between 50 and 60 minutes long.
What happens if I am unsure about whether I want to continue with my counselling?
Firstly, the first session is seen as an exploratory session. If you would like to go further, but are unsure how much further, many people feel comfortable using a contract of 4 to 6 sessions. After this contract is complete, we review and decide whether or not to have another contract. Other people prefer an open-ended way of working. The counsellor will check with you on how you may be feeling about counselling from time to time. If the relationship is an honest one, it would be good at this time to admit your uncertainty about counselling.
I am a shy person and find it difficult to open up. I don’t like exposing myself, and in fact I am a very private person. How do I explain this to my counsellor?
Counsellors are experienced with shy people and may be a bit shy themselves. They will go at your pace and will understand your reserve. If you want to be silent for a bit, that is OK.
Will the counsellor tell me what to do?
Counsellors do not tell their clients what to do. Over time, they will help you discover what it is that you wish to do about the challenges in your life.
I am not too sure why a counsellor is necessary at all when I have nice friends who listen to me. What is the point of going to one?
Counsellors are trained to be objective and to help you gain perspective on your issues. They will not automatically agree with your point of view which is what a friend tends to do. They are concerned to help you get a deeper understanding of your issues and do not pass judgement.
WHAT HAPPENS IF I FEEL LIKE LEAVING THE ROOM HALF WAY THROUGH THE SESSION?
Very occasionally this does happen. The counsellor will understand and encourage you to try again when you are feeling a little stronger.
I feel very guilty, ashamed and embarrassed about my problem. Will the counsellor see me as a bad person?
Counsellors are trained not to judge their clients, but to provide a save and inviting atmosphere. They also understand that people everywhere have good and bad parts to them, but more often than not, they try to do the right thing if possible.
What happens if you have to cancel an appointment?
If you give me 24 hours' notice, you do not have to pay the fee. If, on the other hand, it is a sudden cancellation, paying the fee is expected.
